Once upon a time this blogger had jury duty. I showed up at 8am, drank some coffee, read Christopher Moore, watched the video about civic duty, and chuckled to myself at the fifty-something man in a three piece suit snapchatting his lady that he didn’t want to be there.
In the courtroom, the potential jurors answered yes or no questions like “Do you drink” and everyone said yes. (I love Arizona.)
When it was my turn, they brought up that I had said yes when asked if anyone close to me had a DUI. “Um, yeah, like several of my co-workers?”
The prosecution’s lawyer asked if that made me hate cops. “Naww,” I said. “They deserved it.” He grinned at me and I smiled back. The defense lawyer looked ill.
“What do you mean, deserved it?” he asked carefully. “Oh, they told me what they blew,” I said lightly.
“Did that surprise you?” he asked. I laughed and said no. I was briefly worried he was going to ask me out.
The defense asked if I remembered the charges. I recited them back to her. She asked if that gave me an opinion on the matter. I responded affirmatively, as the charges were significantly over the legal limit. The judge told her it was a stupid question and she needed to ask a better one.
“Do you have any bumper stickers on your car?” she asked.
I couldn’t figure out why she asked this. Was she trying to determine if I was cool and hip? I didn’t know what the cool and hip answer was so I settled on the truth. “Um, no. Well, kind of? I have a window cling.” She looked excited and asked what it was.
“This is kind of embarrassing,” I said with a breathy laugh. “You know those decals of like families, with the husband and wife and the kids and the dog?”
Here she nodded encouragingly.
“Well, my boyfriend got me one for Christmas that is a guy and girl and bags of money because we don’t have any kids.”
The entire fucking room lost it. Even the judge was cackling. Once he caught his breath he asked if anyone had any other questions.
And I was free to go.